How to Forgive

Welcome to the website about everyday forgiveness, detachment and acceptance. I have spent a very long time working on the content and hope you may find it useful or interesting. Please support my efforts by sharing this resource with friends.

Forgiveness means many different things to different people. It can mean letting go, healing pain, changing focus, finding freedom, understanding humanity or embracing harmony or hope in times of great trouble. Sometimes, the next step is simply realising that you don't have to hate someone.

It may seem as if forgiving is excusing but that is far from necessary. Forgiveness is above all something you do for yourself. However you look at this concept, it's something powerful that can be studied, developed, practised and deepened for the sake of a more peaceful life and a better world.

How to overcome emotional dependency | How to accept things | How to stop hating everyone
  1. Roman Arian says:

    Love the content and the writing style :-) Step by step. Similar to the journey I am walking. RA

  2. From Stockholm says:

    Just wish to tell you that your blog is very intelligent, insightful and well-written, and I absolutely love it! I have gone through so much professional literature on psychology and neurobiology while making the same journey as you did, and I must say that finding and reading your blog was a sheer pleasure because you somehow manage to bring out the core of it and present it in a manner that makes me think that "I couldn't have said it better myself".

  3. NMB says:

    I find all your articles to be right on and extremely inspiring. Thank you so much for sharing. I needed some guidance or a reminder and you provided it. You made a difference in my life. Thank you.

  4. Agata says:

    Hi there, just wanted to thank you for the posts. I came across some of them and they are really helpful. Thank you a bunch :)

  5. Jane says:

    Hi! Your articles are brilliant! Thanks for putting them online, I'm finding them helpful at a difficult time. How did you figure this stuff out?

  6. Lesley says:

    I would like to express my appreciation for your blog!!! Stumbled upon it doing a search the other day looking to understand why 'bad things keep happening' to me...your article was like a light going on in my head...went on to read your other pages about forgiveness and letting go...again, this is exactly what I have been needing to hear.

    Don't want to over egg it but for the first time in months I feel I am gaining perspective and feeling hopeful again...can only thank you for the part your writings have played on my journey. You are a wise man who writes from the heart and your words have touched mine. I thank you very much and wish you many blessings...keep up the blog please!

  7. Dmitri Trollakov says:

    I am like very much this blog, it is make me feel like real man. Now I can wrestle krokodil and drink vodka through nose without make feel many insecure. People are laugh but I think of your quote Jesus and Gandhi and realise is very clever mens. Thank you for advices to forgive, motherland is proud of you.

  8. Steve Miller says:

    I’m 59 years old and a writer friend sent me to this website after I said how frustrated I am with convincing people of their stupidity. I’ve been unforgiving ALL my life.

    Most of my life I thought the place to learn to improve would be in a church. Instead, I generally found a greater density of unforgiving people, or at least people who seemed to specialize in seeking ways to be angry at Outsiders. [Please hear me out.]

    Then I saw a Non-Christian article that said the indisputably unique thing about Christianity is that it’s the only religion whose book (bible) carries the entire writings of another religion’s book (the Old Testament). Seventy-three percent of the bible isn’t Christianity! THIS CAUSES SPECTACULAR CONFUSION.

    The Old Testament has references (prophecies) that Another Method will come. The New Testament explains that the old way was never meant to be the Answer, but to demonstrate that human nature’s methods don’t work. It also says this new way seems like foolishness because it works from the inside–in our heart.

    I now see this new method of Love & Forgiveness is saying the same thing as this blog, but this blog gets to the point very clearly. I don’t intend to “advertise” another source for insight, so I’ll just say the only preacher I’ve found to be as clear is named Tchividjian. If you reject preachers, then stick with ALL the articles in this blog.

  9. Di says:

    I have to say… you've got an amazing talent… you write beautifully and set things out so logically and clearly… it was an absolute pleasure to read everything... so articulate, thought provoking and wise too… loved it all! Keep up the great work, you may just save a few of us from needing that lobotomy! ;-)

  10. Vita says:

    Thank you very much, you are so perfect in your insights and writing. I am so gratified reading your sharings. Thank you and Bless

  11. Renata Stec says:

    Thank you. From my heart. Thank you and thank you.

  12. Maggie says:

    Every item is packed with amazing wisdom and there is so much here to learn. Thank you for all your time and effort to share this with us. I really appreciate it.

  13. Anita says:

    Excellent. Very well put. Helpful to the core.

  14. Tabasum says:

    This is a fantastic website. It has saved me from spiralling out of control. I would describe this site as a manual for learning how to understand other humans. We are given manuals for everything in life other than how to survive human behaviour. I wish I had been given this blog when I was just starting out at college or a new job.

    The difference between this self-help resource and the myriad of guides littering the internet and book shops is that the author breaks down common human interaction scenarios into rational and logical observations which you can then use to placate your mind - after which you can breathe and meditate until the cows come home :)

    By offering logical reasons as to why humans say and do things, the author allows the reader to take a step back from their raw human emotions, enabling them to take control of a situation before things get out of control emotionally.

    I advise all readers to work through each article and go through that process. It's life-changing, an invaluable resource for anyone struggling with college, the workplace, friendships, romantic relationships or family life.

  15. Gopal says:

    It gives me so much pleasure reading your articles. Keep doing the good work.

  16. Dea koch says:

    I make an effort to read this every day, it helps center me and remind me of dependency issues so that I can be mindful of them

  17. R says:

    Thank you so much for the effort and devotion you've put into this website. I'm a young adult struggling with letting go of experiences that have been fantastic learning opportunities but left me deeply cynical and bitter. Forming relationships has mostly been frustrating and painful for me throughout my short life due to my black and white thinking but I'm working to change that. When I find myself spiraling into a non-constructive thought pattern, I remind myself that I can choose not to.

  18. Kris says:

    Your perspicacity about human nature is truly astounding, and this is just what we need during our daily share of tumult in the world we live in. Amazing work!

  19. Betty Zhang says:

    Hi there, I just wanted to thank you so much for making the effort to maintain this website. Like many of the others here, I've found it so helpful and so insightful. Your writing is really clear and makes so much sense. If you ever write a book, I'd jump at the chance to buy it!

  20. Emrah says:

    As a person who has been neglected and abused from as a child to up until now, your site speaks volumes to me. I am 36 years old, have very unique attributes / qualities; and yet for all the heartache I suffered through all my life, I still seem to be waiting for another human being who could make a difference and show me everything I endured was for a reason. Sadly the only person who can make a difference is me, it always have been to myself and other people. I need to forgive people for not being me. It feels lonely but it is the way it it is. Gladly the only hero of this story that can make a difference is me.

  21. Ronie Shackelford says:

    I love your articles! They are packed full of practical advice. Not just talk, but real steps and methods to put into place to help us. Thank you so much!

  22. Jayati says:

    This is really nice and helpful. you put to words most things that we already know but in a much more convincing way. Thanks.

  23. Jennifer says:

    Hello John -- I found your post on acceptance so helpful. An intentionally hurtful and humiliating breakup -- it is what it is. Just a painful chapter in a longer book with a more fully developed protagonist. I intend to read this as many times as it takes until every point you outlined so well finds a cozy space in my now. A heartfelt comfort, brilliantly written. Thank you.

  24. Pavan Maddamsetti says:

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Very astute and relevant advice. I am sure you know it takes a positive attitude to handle people successfully. You are helping people succeed and survive in the world.

  25. Jessica says:


  26. Nora Pillon says:

    Hello John! A while ago I read your article on "How to be non-Judgemental" I am not able to find it on your site now, can it be found elsewhere? I enjoyed reading this article because it contained information I had not come across before. It was clear and to the point. Thanks for sharing your information Nora

  27. About this website

    I hope you find my articles to be generally reasonable, well expressed and relevant or useful. Here are a few things you might like to know about this project.

    1) My approach is unashamedly secular

    I am inspired by a vast range of influences from psychology to stand up comedy and occasionally draw upon ideas that can be found in religions such as Buddhism and Christianity. However, nothing I say rests on supernatural beliefs since it is based solely on common sense, logic and observation.

    The value of a secular guide is that it should make sense to just about anyone – religious or otherwise – who wants to explore how to forgive. Forgiveness does not exclusively belong to any religion and I have readers from all faiths as well as Atheists, Agnostics and those with no particular affiliation.

    2) The focus is on everyday clarity rather than radical forgiveness

    This site deals with how to forgive people on a familiar, everyday basis rather than how to forgive the most atrocious crimes imaginable, such as a murder or genocide. It’s particularly relevant to people who would describe themselves as sensitive, depressed, anxious, angry, lost or traumatised.

    I refer to many principles that can be applied to the worst situations imaginable. But my focus is on the general question of how to forgive human beings for being the way they often are rather than how to deal with worst case scenarios that I am obviously not in any way qualified to address.

    3) No website can “make” you happy

    The aim of this site is merely to point you in a reasonably good direction and to untangle your mind from any forms of emotional confusion or disturbance that I am able to recognise as rationally unnecessary in the long run, based on my own limited experience and understanding.

    Contentment in life cannot be achieved without a good balance of different elements aside from practising and then partially ignoring what you read in this website. They might include exercise, meditation, distraction, therapy and even something good occasionally working out for you!

    4) The advice you’ll find here is very “pic ’n’ mix”

    The site includes lists of what might be called “cognitive realisations”. Since everyone is different, it’s necessary to include tips that will be “obvious” to you but not to others and to list points that will be “obvious” to some people but not necessarily to you. You just have to trawl through it.

    There are a lot of “nuggets” of possible wisdom on this site but they may not all be new, effective or relevant. You can pick out whatever you feel works for you at this stage of your journey. If anything is too obvious then just skip it and if anything does not work for you then feel free to disregard it.

    5) The answer to one article often appears in a different article

    I could have simply created a huge, one-page article entitled “How to forgive everyone and accept everything” listing all the points together. Instead I chose to divide the content into different topics because that seemed like a pleasant and useful way to break up the information.

    But the result is that, when writing any article, I sometimes leave out points that have already been dealt with in other articles in order to avoid too much repetition. And so I recommend reading most of the main articles in case you find the overall theme and approach to be relevant.

    Like this website?
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My favourite quotations

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that"

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong"

Mahatma Gandhi

"Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do"

Jesus Christ

"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much"

Oscar Wilde

"It's not a crime to be an A-hole"


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