How to Stop Hating Everyone

If you’ve had a really bad experience then it may seem as if the whole world is a terrible place or that all human beings are just evil. Human nature doesn’t always produce virtuous results and screaming “I hate people” is an understandable reaction which may help you to release anger.

But it’s not an enlightened response in the long run. Detesting the entire human race may result in a loss of self-control that enslaves you to anger, creating negative emotions within your interior world and prejudicing you against the possibility of better experiences in future.

My aim is not to persuade you that everyone is great or to deny any negative experiences that you have endured. But I do think it’s worth being careful about which conclusions need to be drawn from such experiences. Here are 12 ways to gradually learn how to stop hating everyone.

1. Allow yourself to recover and slowly come to terms

Hatred of humans is best viewed as a “symptom” of having been through a shocking learning experience that may take some time to fully process. The way forward may be to allow yourself to recover from what you have survived rather than finalising any drastic conclusions at this stage.

“It takes time to heal and learn all the right lessons”

Some people undoubtedly behave extremely ignorantly and inconsiderately in certain situations. But the immediate solution is to focus on doing what it takes to look after yourself and to move on from a bad situation rather than punishing yourself with despair about the entire species.

2. Accept that you can’t actually “know people”

Strictly speaking, there’s no such thing as “people” or “what people are like”. There are billions of different kinds of people on the planet including different generations, cultures, subcultures and communities. No two individuals are entirely alike and that variety offers much hope.

“Maybe I’ve just been focusing on the wrong crowd”

One of the amazing things about the modern age is that you’re not usually stuck with only one tribe for life. You have the freedom to find out which kinds of individuals, communities and environments are good for you and to actively seek them out. It can take time to find the right people for you.

3. Notice that most human beings can’t help their limitations

When people behave inexcusably, it’s easy to get carried away by unrealistic notions about their potential or to imagine that they somehow “could” or “should” know better. But sometimes it makes more sense to accept their natural limitations and the role of cluelessness in their behaviour.

It’s a stupid world out there in so many ways. When people can’t even see when and why what they’re doing is wrong they are lacking in empathy and self-awareness. They “just don’t get it” and can’t help the way they think. The answer is never to demand reasonable behaviour from fools.

“Some people have no idea what they’re even like”

It may be unrealistic to hold people strictly responsible when their own ethical awareness is too hazy to be relied upon for any real clarity. Without the right influences and key formative experiences, it may be unnatural for them to develop the habit of truly considering the impact of their own actions.

Consider the example of a baby, the most blameless kind of human being yet clearly very “selfish” since it only ever cares about its own needs and only sees others in terms of what it can get from them. In a psychiatrist’s chair, a baby might reasonably be diagnosed as the equivalent of a sociopath.

Some people never fully grow out of that same state of ethical immaturity but there is a kind of innocence in their failure to develop responsibility. And so whenever you judge someone as “evil”, part of what you are dealing with is a lack of mature awareness that is essentially infantile in nature.

4. Take responsibility for improving how you deal with people

The more you balance a negative view of human beings with some responsibility for learning how to deal with them the easier it becomes to avoid getting angry about their natural limitations. Some people are much easier to get on with when you learn how to push the right buttons.

“I’m willing to gradually learn how to bring out the best in people”

Part of the solution is giving up expectations and thinking about the world more as a kind of marketplace. There’s nothing wrong with wanting something from people but sometimes it makes sense to think about what you can offer in order to make it worth their while to do that for you.

Another way to look at dealing with people is to see it as a kind of game. Everyone has different rules and playing the game involves figuring out what their rules are – even if they are quite silly – and going along with them. It’s not always worth playing someone’s game or taking it too seriously.

5. Develop a more balanced picture of how human beings are

Anger can mess with your mind. If you spend all your time focusing on what’s wrong with human beings through a kind of mental microscope then the overall picture will look very negative. But it’s a kind of optical illusion that results from narrowing your focus too selectively. The reality is:

“Most people are a mix of good, bad and weird”

The same is true of societies a few of which have been evil in some ways but many of which have made enormous strides to improve the welfare of disadvantaged citizens. It takes humanity centuries to develop awareness and make progress in some areas but it tends to get there in the end.

Rather than concerning yourself with that, it’s enough simply to find a few people who are good for you. When you spend enough time focusing on them, your perspective will naturally change and become more positive. Not everyone can be good for you but they may be good for other people.

6. Accept that anger has a tendency to generalise itself

Believing that everyone is awful is an entirely understandable reaction to challenging or traumatic events. But it’s an expression of anger or suffering rather than a carefully thought out, weighed up and balanced assessment of reality. It’s just “how the anger feels” right now.

“I don’t have to blame complete strangers for what someone else did”

You may not have to take out your anger against the entire human race and “throw out the baby with the bathwater”. Some people become racists after being mistreated by someone from a particular racial group. It’s not exactly the same but their conclusion is similarly overgeneralised.

Maybe the reason that happens is because anger is like a virus that can easily spread out of control within your emotional world. It’s worth doing whatever you can to contain, limit and moderate it for the sake of achieving peace of mind. Refusing to get carried away by generalisations helps.

7. Gradually replace hatred with healthy scepticism

You don’t have to be a “fan” of the human race or naively love and trust everyone you meet. But hatred is on the other end of the emotional spectrum and equally unnecessary. Even when you acknowledge what isn’t good you can renounce it peacefully without losing your self-control.

“Avoiding extremes helps me achieve the right balance”

Moving beyond an “all or nothing” perspective can allow you to proceed optimistically but carefully. Everything will be okay as long as you accept that people can be deeply flawed and that success with them requires caution, patience, realism, flexibility, diplomacy, assertiveness and careful selection.

For example, it may be necessary to help someone learn about your boundaries by briefly explaining how you felt and what would help you without resorting to personal criticism. Rather than immediately judging them, standing up for yourself calmly but firmly will often make things better.

8. Start to observe humans in a more detached way

You may tell yourself that you are looking down at people but by hating them you are actually looking up to them by giving them too much importance. Without necessarily realising it, you are putting them on a pedestal in order for it to be possible for them to have that much power over you.

Instead of looking “up to” people, “down at” people or looking “to” them for anything, you could look “at” them from a distance. Your relationship could sometimes be like watching animals in the wild: not needing anything but allowing their nature to be what it is and calmly observing.

“There is a kind of innocence in everything people do”

Consider the example of a cat. One could look at the way it treats mice and say that it is “evil”. But focusing on its cruel side overlooks the fact that the cat is still cute, fluffy and loveable in spite of being naturally incapable of empathy and blamelessly unaware of the true significance of ethics.

A cat has no choice but to behave in the way it does and so there’s no need to judge its shortcomings. Many people are similar because they have not spent enough time developing the kind of genuine moral awareness that would significantly differentiate them from some animals.

Even when people “know what they are doing”, there is so much more that they do not know and cannot see. They have no idea what they are missing in terms of empathy, emotional education, key ethically formative experiences, true self-awareness, self-detachment or even sanity in some cases.

9. Accept that it’s not worth needing anything from most people

Misanthropy is a clear sign of frustration and feeling that your needs have not been met. Part of the solution may be learning how to look after your needs and how to meet them more effectively. But it’s also important not to confuse your needs with other people’s responsibility:

“I may have been barking up the wrong tree”

Sometimes the answer is to lower your expectations and to accept that what you are looking for may not be realistic for many people. If your rule is “Unless you do what I want then you’re awful” then most people will seem “awful” when in reality they simply aren’t as great as you would prefer.

It’s not worth needing anything from the wrong people but imagine if you eventually found everything you wanted from life. Would it still be worth hating anyone who let you down in the past? Your attitude would probably become more laid-back and this is why looking after your needs is vital.

10. View hatred as a form of unnecessary emotional dependency

A good question might be: does my happiness really have to depend on a particular overall picture of what people are like? After all, you could have great people around you and still feel unhappy or awful people around you and actually feel happy. And so, in the long term, it’s better to conclude:

“I can be happy in spite of the way some people are”

It does not have to be your job to take on the burden of all the problems of the world or its people. As long as you are willing to live in a responsible way, you don’t have to feel bad just because someone else behaves like a complete douche-bag. Be glad that you are not responsible for their actions.

11. Develop a healthy disinterest in the vast majority of people

Even if only 1% of the human race were kind, tolerant and open-minded, in a planet of over 7 billion people this would mean that must be at least 70 million kind, tolerant and open-minded people. That is far more amazing people than you could ever get to know in your lifetime.

Rather than taking an interest in the whole human race, view it merely as a “pool” from which you can pick out those individuals who are good for you. Go for “quality over quantity”, forget about anyone who let you down and the issue of what most people are like will fade away.

“Reach out for what makes you happy rather than holding onto what hurts”1

Most people aren’t worth bothering with or being bothered about. Needing to have a relationship with them is a sign of being too involved. You can develop a healthy disinterest in them by doing what it takes to change your focus. Your “world” will eventually consist only of whoever you focus on.

Imagine if you were in a forest looking for berries to eat. Even if the majority were foul-tasting or slightly toxic, there would be no need to eat those ones or believe that they “need to change”. There may be fewer delicious or tasty berries but they are the only kind you will ever need.

12. Consider whether you can truly love yourself

Most people do not really want to hate everyone even if bad experiences have understandably left them in a state of despair. They can gradually recover by becoming more selective but also open to learning about how to deal with people’s limitations in an effective, understanding and assertive way.

However, there are some individuals who are “determined to hate” in the sense that hatred becomes part of their whole identity. Even when they meet people who surprise them with kindness, they still react negatively because hatred has become part of a general outlook to which they feel committed.

It’s no coincidence that these “haters” have a very harsh relationship with themselves. Many of them were also raised by a deeply neglectful or even abusive parent. It’s normal to be hateful when that is how you were treated and how you are used to dealing with yourself but this is what holds you back:

“You can never learn to love yourself if you insist on hating everyone else”

The problem with hating all humans is that you are also human. You too make mistakes and are just as much in need of forgiveness as many of the strangers you condemn. Eventually, the mental mirror that says “I am the only person who is okay and deserves a break” is bound to develop a few glaring cracks.

In some cases, people identify with hatred as a way of boosting their self-esteem. Telling themselves that everyone else is awful and to blame for everything gives them a consoling feeling of judgmental superiority. Such grandiosity provides a short term “fix” but adds to a long term sense of emptiness.

You are unlikely to develop a healthy relationship with yourself if hatred is the whole lens through which you view misfortune. You aren’t really all that different to everyone else. And so if you want to be gentle and forgiving towards yourself then you need to occasionally do the same for others.

In conclusion

Planet Earth can seem like a dark place but this is a reason to let the sunshine in. When you focus only on what is negative and commit to the most despairing conclusions about people your outlook naturally becomes too dark so it’s good to balance that with positive focus and mature realisations.

“The last thing this world needs is another hater”

Hatred is a waste of time and energy. By making a commitment to work on your happiness rather than focus on what some people are like you will increasingly feel better about the world. There is always a space in which you can gradually let go of the past, grow in positivity and cultivate inner peace.

It may take time and more learning but, at some point in future, if anyone asks “So do you still hate human beings?” your answer will probably be along the lines of “Oh I don’t know, I don’t really think about that anymore. I guess I know some people who are okay”.

References

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72 thoughts on “How to Stop Hating Everyone

  1. I needed this. Thank you. I’ve been feeling really jaded by the people closest to me and these “burns” have happened rather frequently within a short period of time. This gives me hope that I can recover.

  2. Some very healthy Mindsets portrayed here, thank you. One unfortunate illusion brought about by our hyperconnectivity is that we have experienced “enough” of one race, one tribe, or one kind of “people” to judge them unequivocally. This is certainly not the case, but a very easy mental trap to fall into! Nice, really good advice

  3. Isn’t trying to relentlessly focus on the positive, distract oneself with niceties and live in our own bubbles leading to some of the worst outcomes for all life on this planet? This blog builds on the assumption that somehow humanity is important and valuable and ignores the fact that the sheer quantity of us, coupled with our shortsightedness is a plague upon this planet, and at some point will bring about our own demise. So what if a few realists come to the conclusion that we are a horrid, self serving, selfish, cruel and greedy species? Surely the more who come to that level of objectivity the better for both our species and other forms of life? Maybe if we could be honest about the flaws of our species we might actually be able to make meaningful improvements. Saying la la la, I have a few good friends and I’m not responsible for anything outside my little self appointed bubble is terrible advice.

    • I love the name “Miss Anne Thrope” 🙂

      You’ve raised some very interesting and valid concerns there. Believe it or not, I like where you are coming from and we may even be on the same side. I can see that your response stems from a place of goodness and genuine concern about what’s happening to the planet.

      However, your way of “interpreting” what I have written suggests that you are “reading between the lines”. Some of your reactions are not direct responses to anything I actually said but to what you might have imagined I am thinking. It may help if I clarify where I am coming from.

      This article is aimed at individuals who want to know how to stop hating everyone because of the emotional distress they are going through. We obviously don’t need to be judging them as selfish since they may already be reeling from traumas and need to be doing more to look after themselves emotionally.

      Focusing on developing more positivity in their outlook may help them to survive what they’ve been through. However, I never suggested that everyone else should be “relentlessly” focusing on the positive to a degree that might limit their awareness of serious and important issues.

      You are right that many people out there do have a naive, rosy view of the human race, deny problems and avoid making any difference by living in a self-serving bubble. Maybe you thought that “sounds like” what I might be supporting but it’s not what I said nor what I advocate.

      I am all in favour of acknowledging what is wrong and developing enough emotional strength to do something about it. But this is also something you can do without “hating everyone”.

      There’s a difference between feeling a sense of righteous indignation about some of society’s flaws and giving into the kind of hysteria, loss of self-control and forceful intensity that hatred tends to involve. Blaming absolutely anybody and everybody just for being a member of the same race seems pretty extreme.

      The greed and selfishness you mention are products of a genuine ignorance that may eventually be overcome: at some point the world may learn the right lessons from its mistakes. Most people have no idea that many of their norms could be wrong but future generations may come to see that as an obvious point.

      Since the end of civilisation is not strictly inevitable, our society may one day survive and historians in a thousand years may look back at our time as a kind of moral “dark age” that we had to go through in order to evolve. But a little optimism may also be useful when taking steps towards progress.

      To make an effective difference you often need to detach a little from the problems you wish to solve rather than taking a bitter or self-destructive approach. We would never judge kids for being unaware of their mistakes and we can take a similar attitude to the ethical immaturity of the human race.

      • Wow, you are so smart!! Everything you just said its exactly what I think, but I can never explain it!! Keep up the good work.

      • I appreciate your words but I think your optimism that people will get better sounds delusion. It has been 2000 years and people are still killing, stealing, raping, despising each other because it is part of our biological — survive of the fittest. It is better to just accept the objective fact that we are animals and nothing more. The only reason we think otherwise because we have a higher level of consciousness than most animals. It does not deny what we are.

        Believe I have tried to believe that we will one day overcome this but until we become another species or evolve into something that is not a homo sapiens then it is generally acceptable to hate humanity.

  4. Thank you definitely a lot of good thoughts… Hard for me I absolutely hate people and I wish I didn’t … I had one big scar in my life where most of my friends turned on me so it definently hurt me… But I’m working on it now and hopefully it gets better …

  5. I love your writing, your point of view, your compassion, endurance – everything! This article is brilliant. I love your maturity which inspires me a lot. I’ve struggled with depression on this issue – of not liking people very much and especially those closest to me in my family, even my lover – who I’m attracted to immensely despite being fully aware of his ethical immaturity as you call it. It’s left me feeling lonely, desperate, and sad to not be able to find company with people who are as concerned as I am about the destruction that is happening around us everyday.

    I find myself seriously disliking simple minded people and the great thing is – I know now that I don’t have to. I learned that the past weekend over the Easter holidays with my family. I did hate them, of course, because they’re complete assholes with the emotional intelligence of a 5 year old but you know what, it’s not the end of the world! At least I have my bestfriend, God, nature, a new day, my plants, my health and possibly a chance to raise my own children who will NOT be complete idiots. I’m very happy about this.

    Also, I learned this weekend that not everyone will view the world in the way that I do. And that’s OK too. We’re all different. People don’t have to understand me or empathize with me or even respect me. They are free to do whatever they want, as am I. And that freedom is also a very positive thing in itself, and I’d like to think that at the very least, I can honour other people’s freedoms too.

    You are a wonderful man and would love to know more people like you. Keep up the great blog & God bless!

    P.S. Yes, I know i’m not supposed to hate people as a Christian but I’m only human. I’m sure Jesus is not impressed by us all the time either.

  6. Very nice article. So inspirative. Just what I needed to hear. I intend to keep that plan of those 10 steps to the letter. Thanx a lot.

  7. I really enjoyed this post, and particularly liked your analogy on how we should view life as a “game” that people have different rules for. The only thing I have left to mention is: what if there are no sweet berries in sight, and only poisonous ones in your area of the woods? It’s hard not to become demotivated to find the nutritious, deliciously sweet berries that may be hidden in some other part of the forest if you are trapped in one particular place.

    I find it very difficult to connect with most people, but when I find someone that “gets” me, I am almost always betrayed in some way or discover to my dismay that the person did not value our friendship as much as I did. Perhaps my version of “connecting” is different to their version? Perhaps I am so starved for affection and so seldom experience care and kindness, that I interpret considerate and loving actions to mean more than they actually do?

    • I can certainly relate and believe that you may find some of the answers in the rest of this site. It’s good that you recognise the extent to which your needs shape your interpretation and expectations. I hope that you eventually find a wonderful connection. In the meantime, it may also be worth deepening your forgiveness of people’s limitations whilst embracing a good-humoured appreciation for “three star quality” friendships.

    • To expand on what you’re saying: I know where you’re coming from. However, I don’t think you misinterpreted their ostensible concern, and value for you as an individual at the outset. You never see these ones coming, you BELIEVE they are five-star friends because that’s how they presented themselves to you. Some people are lucky enough to never be treated as such, or they’re too locked up in themselves to actually give a shit either way.

  8. I like your suggestion to step away and interact with the general public as an individual observing animals in the wild. This is something I have done for a few years now. My question is how can you do this when the stupidity of others seems to find its way to you constantly?

    The past year has been a nightmare for me and my family. On more than one occasion this year my life has been negatively affected by the ignorance and selfishness of others. Complete strangers even. I strive to live my life responsibly without harming anyone else or getting in the way of what they are trying to accomplish with their lives. I expect the same courtesy from everyone else. How can I not be angry at people when on 3 occasions this past year the stupid act of a complete stranger completely turns my life and the life of my family upside down.

    Do you have any suggestions for how to cope with that? Right now my thought is to pack up and move to the Alaskan wilderness where I don’t have to see another human being if I don’t feel like seeing one.

    • Have you considered from a quantum perspective that your own negative energy might be attracting negative energy from the universe? Like attracts like, and although it is the most difficult thing in the world, you must try to put yourself in a positive state of mind, even if it means imagining your life as perfect. You are hurting yourself each time you broadcast a discouraging thought.

      • Nonsense. One cannot be positive whilst being surrounded by so much negativity. Buddhist monks do a nice line in mindfulness and meditation, but they live in monasteries. One can be positive as one likes. One can meditate for hours. But as soon as you come into contact with other humans who don’t practice mindfulness/meditation and think that those who do are insane, they are going to have a negative effect on you. Humans are materialistic scum.

  9. I stumbled on your blog a few weeks ago while I’ve been in the midst of coming to terms with the end of a relationship. Your posts are deeply humane, practical, compassionate, soothing, centering, and otherwise helpful on so many levels. I’ve come to think of you as a friend, and I even quote you in my journal! I call you Wise Blogger. Thank you, dear friend, and please keep posting!

  10. That was really great to read. You did an excellent job explaining your thoughts without over complicating everything. Thank you! Best line in your article: “In a psychiatrist’s chair, a baby might reasonably be diagnosed as the equivalent of a sociopath”, Couldn’t stop laughing…

  11. I was actually looking for a quote or saying about people to not hate other people based only on someone else’s opinion, because that’s what’s happening to me right now.

    But I stumbled on your blog and found that I maybe trying to do the same. To bend them to like me.

    I realized that people are free to hate me or like me and to respect that. It’s what you do or feel after that will matter.
    Do you hate them too? Do you try to be their friend? Do you change yourself to some degree to make them like you somehow?
    Do you blame others for your own actions?

    You can’t control everything… That’s life…

    So thank you for writing this article. It made me realize to not let others’ actions make decisions for what I do.

    I decide on my own to be happy!

  12. Angry today.
    But I did understand every word you’ve written and I agree.
    It is obvious I got lost in behavior of another.
    In between deep breaths I was so trying to hold onto.
    (he isn’t aware, can someone consciously choose to be insane?)
    Thank you for bringing me back.
    Great common sense.
    Great timing for reading this.
    Thanks.

  13. Thank you for an excellent article that’s not just fluff. It’s what I needed to read today. You actually offered practical ways to reframe one’s thinking. Points #3, #9, and #10 helped me take responsibility for the idealist inside.

  14. Thank you for writing this article in such a direct but tactful way. You are one of the few reasons I still have faith in SOME of humanity.

  15. Thank you for this article, which I found really helpful. I was feeling hopeless today and couldn’t see any future because I had been really hurt by my former close friends. Your article has given me some practical help in forgiving them, plus marking the beginning of my journey towards full recovery from bitterness and hurt.

  16. I only really came to the understanding that I truly loathe humanity with a passion when I heard about the recent events at the Cincinnati Zoo. While I accept that the Zoo probably had no option but to shoot that gorilla, it made me realise what a stain upon this planet us humans are. Everything that occurred in that zoo was down to humans
    1. The gorilla was an endangered species, thanks to humans.
    2. The gorilla was forcibly removed from it’s home, shoved into a crate and shipped halfway across the world, thanks to humans.
    3. The gorilla was placed inside a pit for humans to gawk at, thanks to humans.
    4. A child somehow managed to get into the gorilla’s home (sorry, it’s pretend home. Its real home was probably a distant memory). Again, thanks to humans.
    5. The gorilla was shot dead, because humans can see no way of solving their problems other than the use of violence.

    I have no faith in humanity. We WILL destroy this planet. We WILL have to be stopped, because we think we can go on treating Earth as a toilet as we always have done. For the sake of the preservation of this planet, we WILL have to be wiped out at some stage. And yes, I have been hurt badly by humans, during a very low period in my life. I say, don’t try to reconcile yourself with the rest of our destructive species, you are wasting your time. Instead, stoke up your anger. Don’t listen to people who tell you to let it all wash over you. Fight against it!

    Yes, I am a misanthrope and proud of it.

    • I agree that this is a very sad story and I can understand why you feel angry but I just don’t see hatred as the solution since it is not constructive.

      Society can be slow on the uptake when it comes to rights issues. For example, we can observe hundreds of years of slow progress in the area of race equality. People like Martin Luther King made a difference partly because they chose not to hate and took a long term view of what they wanted to achieve.

      They understood the role of ignorance in creating injustice and knew that truth and societal empathy could eventually prevail, given enough time, education and re-education.

  17. I have too many reasons why I dislike some forms of society. To name the main one that relates to this post a terrorism interview, don’t get me wrong there’s times I like people there’s times I dont I’ve tried every step at some point in my life it its worked in the past but fyi there was no charge or even a caution but I am thinking of going so far as a child I went as far as not to speak to anybody at there request until year four for saftey reasons

    • Have you ever heard of comma? Ignorant writing style is something that drives me mad. Why do you even bother to write a comment if you don’t care if we can read it without struggling or not? And yes, I hate people.

  18. Why would I want to stop hating people? The vast majority as ignorant and selfish. It feels great to hate them all.. when I used to care and try to like people I had a breakdown. I healed by stopping trying to like them and being happy in my hate. 🙂

  19. Made no difference to the way I feel but if it helps some good.
    I don’t want to talk to people I don’t want them talk to me I just want to live on my own in a house miles away from anyone.
    All I want is sky sports and an internet connection so I can order food online. no contact with no one for ever is heaven to me.
    I dislike crowds I dislike pubs I dislike shopping I dislike everything near enough that human society offers.
    Why I feel this way I don’t know I am still searching for answers. I haven’t had a bad experience or a marriage split or anything like that I think I am just a miserable git who is better off living alone.
    Why do I hate everyone and nearly everything Is the answer I seek, I know it’s not normal to feel this way but you can’t lie to yourself and I do feel this way everyday. I don’t care about material things cars houses fashion crap I just wish I was the only person in the world and the whole of everything society is would go away.

  20. Thank you, I believe that today I identified the true source of my recurrent depression – that lots of people are cold and/or mean.

    And then I found this post. From one kind hearted spirit to another – thank you for the inspiration and clarity. I will print and revisit often.

  21. Hey, an interesting article and some interesting comments.
    And you have used a picture of Darf Vader at the top, which is fitting I suppose.

    Originally being good in nature, only to turn bad but to transform at the last moment….

    I agree with a great deal of what you have to say, in that those who have a lot of anger focussed on everyone need to find a group of peers who they can be themselves with. Unfortunately there are still some who do not have this and due to their life circumstances or even disposition, may not find it as easy to connect with others.

    I guess as to how a person feels about the world around them also also depends that persons values and perceptions.
    I feel that a lot of hate in the world is caused by incompatibility problems and perhaps forced ways of life.

    Otherwise than that, thanks for the article.
    The bit i mostly disagree with, is that i think those babies are secretly much more evil than they are letting on….
    how else do they grow up to be the people we all hate?!! lol… they hid it all so well for so many years….

    Some additional advice.

    For those who are interested. Check out Tibetan Buddhism. Cultivating loving kindness meditation. Really good for helping us to stop the unpleasant hate experience. Also, great way to at least start to heal relationships or bridge the gap between two opposing parties.

    I would also like to say, try and think about the people who you hate. And just be yourself. If they hate you, then the hate is their experience, but if you can learn to live with just accepting these people with out hate, then you do not experience hate and will be in the long term experiencing less hate and less suffering. Don’t worry if they hate you,. as their hate is their hate. and if you no longer have hate, then who has won?

    The hater or the hated?

    Life is an experience.

  22. I wonder sometimes however if hating a celebrity obsessed materialistic consumer world is actually something very positive.

    In the danger of sounding all religious or a bible basher. I am sure that it is written somewhere in the bible to hate the sin and not the sinner, as well as hate all that is bad/evil etc.

    “-) maybe such sayings could lead us to a happier more spiritual existence where we do not inflict any further pain on others nor ourselves through hate.

  23. I must say, I’ve been looking for years for something like this article. I was sexually sodomized by my own older brother for years as a child (LONG STORY). Since then I’ve been diagnosed with all the usual psychological syndromes: ADHD, PTSD, OCD, Dyslexia, Depression, Anxiety, GAD, SAD, ……
    I’ve been looking for a solution for years and this is the first article amongst many academic and otherwise that I’ve come across which doesn’t say “Stop making excuses”!

  24. This article is like “manna from heaven”. It is so soothing without being overtly vegetarian (kwim?).

    A lot of human kneejerk reactions and emotions to situations are not rational and can lead to disappointment in life, I like how this article pulls you out of unchecked emotions to a world of acceptance and understanding.

  25. People get so lost in their own little lives that we’ve completely overlooked how our county has become full of horrible people who deserve alot worse then just being hated. In my generation we are all to worried about having a good time or being victims in some way to ever actually change anything to benefit each other. This is why parenting is the most important part of our society because if parents teach their children wrong or lead by bad example then they will most likely teach the same to their kids an so on an so fourth. One good set of parents can break a long running chain of crap forever so if you’re a bad parent then know you’re the cause of bad people and you should probably be executed..

  26. Fantastic!! Eloquent meaningful for me at a time of great despair. I myself am a mental health counselor who was abused and neglected and this manifestation of loving realism was what I needed….thank you.

  27. I’ve had traumatic experiences identical to those JT has mentioned, and it has normally involved people who took me under their wings, lavished me with kindness and then finally discarded me like a pile of trash. I think, though, when you’re looking at society in a more realistic way, as depressed people often do (psychotic depressives exempt) it’s hard to accept the reality that hurts us so deeply. In this world, to be ‘healthy’ is to be engaged in a form of self-deception that some may find unappealing. Furthermore, many of us actually find it difficult to swap our depressingly idealistic worldviews for the c’est la vie approach that JT prescribes – perhaps we, too, are incapable of change much like the ‘unenlightened’ ones JT refers to. It’s fine, to an extent, to consider certain people as not worthy of our time, but people are not analogous with cats: they are capable of change. Some actively choose not to engage their mind in such a way so that they WILL reach a point when they realise the error of their ways. To me, it seems contradictory to label the objects of hatred as ‘ethically immature’, yet they aren’t the ones who this piece is designed to change. Instead its underlying message is that misanthropes are ‘wrong’, when it’s this persistent invalidation and others’ sheer disconnect with their emotional states which causes many to become misanthropic in the first place.

    I also agree with Miss Anne Thrope in that while not explicitly stated, JT is advocating a level of acceptance that many idealistic, good people find very hard to stomach. I think hatred can be channelled for good, and it has been many, many times in the past. Relinquishing our hatred just so we can be happy in our own skin isn’t how positive change is brought about, it is a crucial, definitive aspect of what it means to be human. Perhaps if more people learnt to utilise their hatred in constructive, appropriate ways then real change would follow.

  28. Is this some kind of a joke? All I read on here is the OP making excuses. Human beings are irrational destructive untrustworthy little creatures. And I’m gonna tell every single one of you right now. You had better not turn your back on anybody. Cause these people don’t give a rat’s rump about anything or anybody.

    And I hate to be saying that. But it’s the truth. Go outside and look around. Turn that television on. Turn the radio on. And you will see it. These people are savages. And they will hurt you. And no focks will they give. The evidence of this all around. And any of you believe otherwise than a fool you truly are.

    • Howard, it seems I am some sort of a misanthrope as well (I will explain later why I think so), but reading your comment made me realize something… we make no sense. I am in fact a really good person. I know it may sound cocky and weird but I am serious. I am helpful, kind, dead honest and you can always count on me. I never betrayed anyone. I even became vegan 2 years ago, after learning what is going on in the meat, dairy and egg industry, so I dont harm animals either. I care about people, animals, and the environment. I take responsibility for my actions and emotions. I am a good person. So If you say we are all bad that would mean I am bad too… Do you see my point?
      Regarding my misanthropy: Since I became vegan and I saw the horror, terror, cruelty we, as human do to animals… That we are basically SATAN (I am not religious but if I would be) ITSELF to them. I became an activist and… sure many people were happy to see the truth and then do a conscious decision … but many did not… not even listened, they just didnt want to see it… And since I am extremely emphatic and compassionate I FEEL the pain of those animals, I almost can hear their scream everyday eve since… They die in despair, they live in terror and pain… while millions and millions DO NOT give a shit… as they are brainwashed (including me until 2 years ago) and conditioned to think everything is OK as it is… it made me so so so sad about humanity… I hate us… I hate what we are doing with each other, with innocent beings and our beautiful planet… How dare we??? HOW DARE WE???

  29. I can understand the article very clearly, it makes perfect sense. Very well said. And unlike every single other self-help, depression, psychology, victim article I’ve ever read- this one had no examples that turn a compete 180 on my specific situation. It hits every emotion and experience dead on.

    But I also understand and agree with some of the comments about just staying in a state of hate because humanity makes it too difficult to change how I feel. I want to change and that’s why I came to this article. I believe it was written for people like me, who although cannot see a way out of this emotional torture, so desperately want to get out and enlighten ourselves. Focus on the good, dismiss those unworthy of our attention, find someone ANYONE who feels like me.

    In a world where I’ve been sucker-punched almost every day of my entire life, and after prayer, meditation, EFT tapping, serval prescription depression medications, exercise, writing, hobbies, lots of supplements and essential oils that are supposed to mellow me out, I can honestly say I’m getting WORSE.

    I can’t stand humans more and more every single day. I feel completely alone in my views because my family deals with it better than me. Unfortunately my young kids are turning into me. I’m turning then into humanity-hating recluses. They are every bit as judgemental as me and it’s heat breaking to see what I’m doing to my precious sons.

    For them, and not so much for me, I have to change. I don’t want to stay in a state of hate because I don’t want my kids to grow up to be miserable pill-popping hermits like I have become.

    I’m very grateful for having come to this sight. I know I’ll never be normal, which in this day and age means completely indifferent and apathetic or idiots who can’t think for themselves, or malignant narcissists. And that I’m ok with. I dint want to be like the people I hate. But I want to get to a more balanced place where I don’t lose it over every moronic thing someone does to me or to others.

    Thank you for the head start I’ve been looking for. I will continue to look for answers because now I want to learn HOW to create these thoughts and actually BELIEVE them. How do I change the feelings I have, how do I stop caring so much? That’s my search.

    I hope we all find peace. God help me.

    • I’m with you. As a physician with 30 years of holistic medical practice and 45 years of yoga, meditation, philosophy, reconciling the edict that good intentions are my duty with the deplorable behavior of most people, in my experience, has lead me to misanthropy. This is the upshot of intelligence and sensitivity, in light of the behavior of this brutal species. I stay to myself. I take Gabapentin, which is a natural neurotransmitter and originally used for epilepsy, in low doses when I get too irritable. I have a pet who makes me laugh, and fortunately a husband who is a good man, but a member of this crappy primate species too. I wouldn’t have kids and contribute to the situation. I have narrowed down my world so it is more manageable. It’s lonely, and nauseating human experiences still intrude, prompting me to take meds. I take them guiltlessly, as I am now 63 yrs. old disabled, and have had enough of putting Herculean effort into coping with stress straight. I deserve a break. I don’t drink. Remember the 60’s: tune in, turn on, drop out? I’m finally really there.

  30. I started out as a people loving, happy, easygoing person. After being used, dumped, taken for granted, lied to, cheated on, and left out of every clique I have ended up cynical and depressed. I do hate people now. They are always fickle and cant be relied on. Sick of being hurt and used so Im now a hermit. Your article reminds me of how I used to be, before too many people crapped on me

  31. Thank you so much for writing this article. Your writing style is great. You sound like a very compassionate and understanding person, which makes this very different from other such posts. It doesn’t feel like you are preaching or judging anyone. Without telling one side that the other is bad but so rationally putting things in perspective and showing the fine balance that is required between the two. I’m only 25 and already disappointed in my family, friends, colleagues and even strangers. You have tremendously helped me.This is exactly what i was looking for. Wish i was surrounded by people like you. Looking forward to your book. Love and luck 🙂

  32. I am glad that i reading this. It is been almost 3 months since the last time i have this kind of perspective. Thank you for reading this John, it means a lot for my reflective thoughts. Once i have a real hatred towards irrationality, ignorance, and blind statement with no facts. But after seeing this i also realize that i need to develop as well. I am only 24 years old however, i am really thankful for this article. Thank you so much for opening my perspective.

  33. Literally none of this helped me.
    Nothing is going right and this is something I’ve been trying for years.
    It doesn’t work.
    If you have anything else that could possibly do something, I’d take it.

  34. I have found that “Personally” none of the aforementioned methods are worth a rats arse.

    From birth I saw the worst that humanity had to offer and mostly at the hands of those who “loved me”.
    Primary school was an ongoing nightmare and I learnt no one could be trusted, not even teachers.
    In my Teen’s I sought spiritual guidance, but only found delusion and hypocrisy usually being practiced most by those who preached the hardest.
    When I was in my 20’s, I went looking for psychological answers as to why humans were so cruel and ignorant and found nothing but excuses and a lack of responsibility for one’s actions.
    By my 30’s I had stopped interacting with others on a regular basis and by 36 I no longer left my house.
    I am in my 40’s now, nothing humans do surprises me anymore, it is just the same old crud rehashed and regurgitated under a new banner, and on and on it goes.
    Even now a small part of me wants to believe that it could be different, but I guess I am just not that prone to self delusion….

    “I’m tired of this back-slappin’ “isn’t humanity neat” bullshit. We’re a virus with shoes.”
    ― Bill Hicks

  35. I like these two “watch people distantly like animals” and “the last thing the world needs is another hater”.

    I’m not sure it’s entirely possible to “not be bothered”. In fact studies into emotional contagion suggest that the subtlelest of emotional tones or focus, can influence a person without their awareness. Trying not to add to, or exagerate that may be helpful, but also so may avoiding those types altogether, such as, moving to the country.

    I think all realizations come with an exagerrated, or generalised response, without nuance, or objectivity. Then they become refined.

  36. The thing that mildy comforts me is this – disaster seems to be the mother of change. Things become terrible, before they get better. It’s always darkest before the dawn. In this respect, humanity is like a clueless teenager who’s been abused by its parents. We have a long way to go, before we get insight. But that’s how anyone, ever, gains insight. We learn through pain. We break through, by breaking down. We can’t expect anything else, but for everything to get worse, before we as a whole, learn our lessons. Of course individually, that means our responsibility is to be good, otherwise we’d be hypocrits.

  37. Very well-written and logical approach, thank you so much! I really needed this kind of advice, and too often it comes off as contrived, so it’s hard to take it seriously. Your mindset is much more realistic in my opinion, and really helped me relate.

  38. It’s such a terribly sad feeling to realize how dark humanity has gotten. One thing people don’t realize is that when someone expresses hate or negativity towards other human beings; it merely an expression of how they feel about themselves. Instead of accepting, entertaining or playing into their reality of others; we need to look deeper into the reality of what they are expressing and give them beautiful words about themselves… We are all here together living in a very difficult world. We live in a world of social media where everyone is trying to hide behind their difficulties because they feel they won’t be accepted. And in return, all this does is make others feel alone in that they are the only ones living a life of unacceptable disfunction… Hey WORLD!!! We are ALL struggling to keep up with societies false template of perfectionism!!! The moment we all realize that there is no such thing as a supper human is the moment we will be able to connect with one another. We connect through difficulties in learning that we are not alone in experiencing life’s struggles for which the world feels they need to hide behind to feel accepted…

  39. I just wanted to say that this has touched me during a time when I’ve felt beyond reach. I knew that hatred was a source of my depression, but I had no idea how to approach it. This has given me some hope, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing it.

  40. Thank you so much for writing this i been feeing so depressed and angry and i honesty didn’t have any idea why. I hate these feelings and now i’m starting to realized that i have become accustomed for everyone around me try to have my needs met that i in some point forgot that i needed to do it myself. I’m going to try very hard to focus on my needs and stop thinking so much of everyone else “failing me”. Thank you i will save and read your post as long as it takes so that i can become a better me again.

  41. Good day,

    Thank you for putting things straight.

    However,

    It’s unbelievable how humans can get at times and how they destroy other people emotionally and fysicly.

    I work in retail for the past 10 years. I see the faces of truth all day everyday.
    It’s really like they wait to get to the stores to start complaining, really brining out their true colors.

    Working for a cellular industry has taught me how to read a book by its cover.

    The smallest, stupidest things people complain about and treat you less than their own dogs. The amount of people I deal with every day are all the same, which brings me to a conclusion that all people are the same foolish, arigant, self centered, stingy, no life humans with nothing better to do than complain. Too much money makes these arrogant people think they can do what they want.

    I’m really in a bad place and now see everyone as threats which in turn makes me hate humans.

    It’s been like this for years now. I work 6 days a week and constantly having to deal with the petty complaints from people who undermine everyone. Grrrrr.

    They way people treat our planet and animals is horrific. How did the sin of humans get to a point whereby no one cares anymore.

    I don’t know.

    I don’t expect any reply to this post.

    Many thanks

    And thanks for a great article once again.

    • I don’t really disagree with anything you’ve said. I’m not a fan of the majority of people either and for many of the same reasons you have stated. Although I try never to hate anyone, I think it’s okay to be aware of the flaws of others and to try to differentiate yourself from them in many respects

  42. I get what is being expressed, but how does one go about identifying the center of one’s hate and distrust of others? I know my hatred and anger began dominating after a sibling didn’t notify me of my other sibling’s death. What type of person does that? Then my other sibling died, and being notified by other family that I would not recognize if in the same room. Then there was a parent who was abused by the deceased sibling and refusing to come clean about the whole drama. Sorry, but that’s the reader’s digest version. Now, I’m an orphan with disgust, distrust, and rage toward innocent others. I have lost friends, and opportunities. It had me stressed. Moreover, I know this state is unhealthy. I’m looking for a way to silence my disgust, hate, distrust, of people.

  43. I already went through these things on my way to misanthropy. Going backwards won’t change what I experience now.

    If I had a choice, I would exterminate humanity. I think I’d even be able to forgo my gentle nature and destroy with my own two hands.

    • I understand how you feel. You have a lot of trapped anger as do I. I really hope though that things turn out better for you

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